Happy Fathers Day?

I’ll be honest, I don’t like fathers day. I find it depressing and dull. I much prefer mothers day! I was intending to spend the day with my Mum and Dad but they’ve gone to see my Taid, which means Grandad in Welsh by the way.

I’ve been so stressed recently with Ben, it seems I can’t do anything right no more. Last night he was watching Tv and normally if I listen to music he tells me to turn it down or use headphones. So I thought to save an argument, i’d use my headphones. I was bopping away to the music when all of a sudden he started talking to me, I paused, took off the headphones, listened replied, put the headphones back on, assuming he’d finished talking but, I was wrong and then, the build up to ww3 happened, seriously. All I did was put headphones on, but apparently that was me ignoring him and he was getting frustrated at me and angry.

I really can’t be bothered with this anymore, I have enough to deal with at the moment without him yelling at me every 10 mins. I’m not saying im perfect, I know I’m not. I know I do his head in too but i don’t deserve to be shouted at constantly for little things. For example apparently I now go out too much. This last 2-3 months I have been out drinking about 4-5 times and yeah that does sound a lot, but before then I never went out at all. I don’t see the big deal, I invite him but at the end of the day I’m entitled to have fun, if he doesn’t want to come that’s his problem. I look after Alfie 24/7, look after the house cook 3-4 times a day and they’re always home-made food pretty much so they take hours to prepare, but apparently I don’t do enough. He seems to forget about the time when I worked non stop while he did nothing, he wouldn’t even look for a job he’d “forget” I’d come home from work and he had been playing Xbox all day and that went on for months and months, he forgets all about how me and my family supported him then when his family chucked him out, but yeah it may seem like I do nothing all day because I can’t go outside, but that doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything. A crawling baby is a full-time job. I know he works hard, he does 12 hour shifts at night in a residential home, I’m proud of him for that. But, theres just no need for all of this hate.

And I’m so sleepy today, I’ve been staying up until around 5am and on most days having to get up between 6-7 am with Alfie. Luckily this morning I didn’t have to get up til around 10, so I don’t feel as zombie like. It’s getting to the point though that I just can’t sleep at night no more. I guess I could if I really wanted to, but I’ve been slightly distracted, in a good way, at least I think its good. Yeah, I think I’ll stop typing now, before I get in to more trouble.

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