I live my life in chains, got my hands in chains.

Well this past week has been amazing & awful. I had two amazingly fun nights out with Kerri & her friend Rachel, learnt some life lessons from it, guys who look rapey and have girlfriends are always a no go and guys who claim they’d sleep with themselves if they could, also a no go, Oh, & guys who take cocaine are genuinely as rubbish as you could imagine, regardless of how they look. I will miss Kerri now she’s gone & I really liked Rachel too. I also realised that fake tan isn’t quite for me, as much as I liked it at the time, my body is way too pale to suit it on a daily basis.

I moved back in with my parents yesterday, I figured its time to properly move on, I just missed my house, my stuff and my dog too much.

Alfie’s appointment in Birmingham was yesterday, I feel slightly more positive, but they have no idea whats wrong with him. They think RTS but there are things he has that people with RTS don’t normally have. They took more blood, photos and tests, costing them £1000. At the moment, he’s allowed out, but not as much as a regular child would, the blinds can be opened and he can go swimming, all with the special creams we have been given.

Being in Birmingham children’s hospital has completely put me off wanting another baby, which I have wanted for a long time. We got there, had to take a raffle ticket and wait for our number to be called, to then go “check in” and wait even more. It went quick but I didn’t half feel like I was in Argos.The whole place was full of sick children, babies with cancer, a little boy with a hole in his throat, it was upsetting and genuinely not what I needed to see, so upsetting that my mum at one point burst out crying. So I don’t see me ever wanting more children.

The whole experience made me realise, I need to stop focusing on Alfie’s condition and just focus on Alfie, as a little boy, as my little boy. I’m going now, to play with him in the garden. 🙂


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