July.

Wow even since my last post my life has completely changed. I was living back at my parents, I lasted two days and now I’m back in my house, my boyfriend, well ex, has now moved out. Being a single mum at 20 wasnt really what I thought I’d be. I always wanted children young but never really thought about what would happen if I wasnt with the baby’s father. I guess I’m currently about to answer that question. I have changed my outlook on life completely, I feel like the person I was in school, I feel like these last few years I’ve been going out with someone because I forced them too, he wasnt happy and I should have noticed that much sooner rather than begged him to stay with me.

Things seem much easier though, I’m less stressed, he seems happier and Alfie is too young to notice, he does say “da-da” a lot, but he always did. I guess it really hasn’t hit me yet that I now have to do everything by myself. I’ve been keeping up to date with literally everything though, housework, baby bottles, cooking and even gardening, I guess my ex boyfriend didn’t really do much of the cooking, cleaning or gardening, but it was still helpful. The one thing I was most worried about is changing bedding, I’m so short that I’ve always found it difficult to get a new quilt cover on the quilt! It always frustrated me as I couldn’t get the corners to match up, I did it though and then rewarded myself with a little victory dance, lay on top of the bed with Alfie and smiled away to myself.

I’ve been moaned at for weeks, people telling me I need to cut my back garden, my Dad was insisting that the lawnmower wouldn’t go through it and would burn out, so I borrowed some strimmer’s to cut it, which led to an embarrassing moment of my bum being on show whilst bent over in a skirt, (I didn’t really realise at the time) no biggie, it’s just a bum, although at the time I was mortified, for me and the guy. I was alter told that the strimmer’s however would have broken as they were electric not petrol, although I am grateful for being lent them.

I decided this morning I was sick of looking at the forest in my back garden, especially seeing as I can’t use my washing line because of it, although I can’t reach it anyway, so I plugged in the lawnmower, titled it and mowed the fuck out of the grass. Worried there might be some rattle snakes and shizzle in there, but succeeded anyway! It was hard I wont lie, it kept overheating and clogging every half-minute as the grass was damp. I even at one point ran over the wire and nearly cut it in half, luckily it just snipped a little.It took me a long time because of the over heating which also led to me being out in the sun, I was very red and hot. My neighbour however, for the 1st time in a year actually spoke to me, it was brief she said “you shouldnt be cutting that grass! especially in this weather” it wouldn’t be a shock to normally people, but to me, I’ve lived here a year, it was long over due.

I found myself raking the excess grass at 10pm tonight then realised what the hell I was doing. I’m currently sat here half-naked dying my hair blue again, it faded to a green colour and I wasnt too impressed. I’ve never had a bath when it’s just been me and Alfie in the house, I always get scared in the bath when I’m alone.

Its Alfie’s 1st birthday in two weeks, I’m taking him to Drayton Manor Thomas land, I’m excited as I know he will love all the attention, he’s such a cheeky little boy. I wouldn’t be as happy as I am without him.

I’m going to go now because I need to wash this dye out, I’m also extremely tired as Alfie has been waking up every hour for the last 5 nights because of his teeth, so i’m totally knackered. I imagine i’ll still be up late, its 22:55 already.

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